When God awakened me this morning, this was one of the thoughts He had me meditating on. I am still not aware of all He is wanting me to glean from this truth during this season but these are my first impressions and thoughts I had:
A couple months ago, an evening during the week of fasting, when the women met in the church while the men remained in the chapel, Cindy asked us to speak out sentences of what we were thankful about God. I blurted out, "That He is a righteous judge and will return in His wrath." Deafening awkward silence filled the room before another spoke, "His mercy." Then another, "His forgiveness." And so on. I quietly and confidently asked God for forgiveness because, though my true feelings and my justified gratefulness was real, it was not appropriate to speak out in such a large group of saints who didn't know me or where I was coming from (that precise lack of judgment is precisely why I am no longer an RN to this day). God used that moment to put me into a place of humility so He could impart His heart (His feelings) to me. I began to sob uncontrollably. You know, tears streaming down my face, snot running profusely and the uncontrollable breathing gasps. I felt Cindy's concern immediately and throughout the hour, but all I could do was sob for the broken heart of God. Someone or many in that room were hurting and God was hurting with them though they never got to hear about it. I do fear God and I think it is beyond a great, awesome respect for Him. Though it is not the kind of fear that is associated with punishment, it is a fear that is beyond my comprehension of the 'awfulness' of His Holiness and power. He and He alone is worthy of my fear. I then realized how many of my prayers that are being answered were presented to Him in worship of song through different meetings at church, as well as, while I am alone with Him. Our God is an awesome God. Let my heart break for the things that break Yours. Feeling the feelings of God has been my greatest honor and privilege. This, too, is just one facet of The Fear of The Lord as I have experienced it.
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