Humility

The most painful and tearful times in my life are during God's answer to my fervent prayer for humility. The process is undeniably recognizable as God's hand exposing the pride and arrogance in my life and my choice to work out my salvation with fear and trembling.

Yesterday I visited with my friend Alenna who has loved Jesus for many years and through many arduous days. She was telling me of Daniel Amen's new book, Brain's Language of Love. He has taken tens of thousands of brain scans and is able to recognize where the brain is broken, and just like an x-ray for a bone, see where and how it needs fixing. He stipulates the brain measures a person's character. I had been telling her how excited I was the economy on a global scale is going to collapse in such a way as to pale the October '29 Stock Market crash. I had also mentioned of a friend who fearfully tucks away money into savings and neglects to do good with the money when they saw someone in need. "Boy, I do not have that problem!" I told her (probably with much pride). She began telling me stories of people and the Great Depression, and the grotesque art that came from that era and other eras of war. I value having a friend like Alenna who has lived and endured so much, as well as, exposed her brain to so many very good books. Our time together concluded with how tribulation produces perseverance, perseverance proven character, and character - HOPE. I am excited for the Great Time of Testing that is to come because I have proven character and great hope!

Well, that was yesterday. This morning, when God awakened me, I was in the same state of mind in which I had fallen asleep. I was groaning at the suffering of the war that rages in my flesh. He had me on my knees and in tears crying out to Him, "Please don't let me think more highly of myself than I ought."

Earlier this week I read a small portion of God's Psychiatry, a book Alenna lent me. Written in the 1960's, the author expounded on the truth in Proverbs, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." I am becoming more aware of the full circle of life that repeats over and over in my relationship with God. I set myself up on high places and God reveals my haughty spirit, His lovingkindness brings me to repentance and He tears down those high places and restores my soul, doing a brand new work of hope. Oh, it is good we have Paul's writings of himself running his race set before him. Romans comforts us in hope.

So, my sinful pride raises me up in arrogance, God opens my eyes to repentance, I choose to repent, God facilitates the tearing down of my idols and raises me up in hope...the hope of His Glory, the hope of His humility and the hope of my proven character.

"Therefore, oh my soul, let hope have it's perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Amen."

Am I Asking Amiss?

When we lack trust in God we lack all the manifestations of answered prayer, evidence of God's glory in our lives and peace. A broken, wounded heart sometimes requires another who has already been healed to come along side and show the way. I am being drawn to women who have been married many years and are tired of living with an "angry man." What is interesting is some of these women are even more angry, maybe in a legalistic sort of way, than their husband and are probably the reason their spouse still has a broken heart. They may not be able to see the role they have played in feeding into that wounded and broken heart, injecting the very poison that entrenched the stronghold attached to the unhealed, painful wound. Also, they very likely had their heart broken by their spouse early in the marriage.

When we are able to pray rightly, for His glory, for His name's sake, and for His will to be done; then we are asking rightly. God waited many years for me, longing to hear me ask Him, "What does that mean?" "How do You want me to pray?" What do You want me to ask for?" "How am I to accomplish this?" "Why?" "When?" "Am I asking amiss?" And guess what...I kept asking amiss.

We have not because we ask not. This isn't so much what we are/or are not asking for, but asking God our question upon question until He hears the right heartfelt request and we are able to give Him our obedient response. This will result in Him answering whatever we may ask of Him.

And in light of the blog written earlier today, always pray for His Name to be glorified. We will receive true answers when we pray for His name sake.

Answered From 24 Years of Prayer.

After praying a good portion of 24 years and soliciting the prayers of others for one, the healing of my husband's broken heart and two, the associated bitterness and anger to be gone, I finally asked God why my prayer wasn't yet answered. It was then that I saw the manifestation of unbelief and asking amiss.

This is the paraphrase of my experience with this subject

"God, why, after 24 years praying for this and still it is not answered?"

"Because my Church is suffering from a broken heart and she is harboring a spirit of bitterness."

'Wow...okay.'

Then 3 months later, "What am I praying wrong that this prayer is still not answered?"

"Because you are asking amiss." was God's immediate reply and as I was pondering this information and before I even asked He said, "You ask for yourself and what you will benefit from this prayer being answered."

"OK." So, then, I started to pray for the sake of our children. Again, about 3 months later I asked, "Now what am I praying wrong?"

"You are still praying for his heart to be healed for your own selfish reasons."

I, again, assumed I knew what He meant by that and started (trying anyway) to pray genuinely and purely for Tom's benefit. This time only about 1 month passed before I asked, "NOW WHAT? WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ME TO PRAY?"

Are you able you hear the realness starting to develop in my fervor for this prayer to be answered? I can just imagine the Father quietly saying, 'FINALLY!'

God told me, "When you are able to pray for My Name's sake and for My glory only that this be accomplished and you can be trusted with properly handling My glory when this prayer is answered, and that you will not take any credit for this answered prayer."

He expounded a little more but suffice it to say, n conclusion, "I will share My glory with no one."

'This is the truth He expressed for my serious consideration. I finally had ears to hear these thoughts from God. He prepared the way. Beforehand, I had heard a sermon and later learned during Beth Moore's Breaking Free course: God will not share His glory with anyone. And for a person to take any portion of God's glory for himself is the ultimate pride and the guarantee of his downfall.

Look Back Then Forget What Lies Behind

It is good to frequently take inventory of your life. To forget what lies behind means not allowing anything in the past be counted for us or against us for the purpose of personal gain or slef-deprication. When God forgets our sin, He doesn't choose amnesia to erase His memory. In fact, He has every deed done with our hands, and every thought that passes through our brain and every word that comes out of our mouth waiting for us to inspect and recognize the Holy, omniscient, all powerful, all knowing, all forgiving/ merciful nature of God through the redemptive blood of Jesus. I believe He will obliterate our sin during our private audience with Jesus on that day we stand alone before Him. And He will publicly exalt each and every one of these for each and every one of us at the great awards banquet.

On the day of judgment, each saint will be able to appreciate to the fullest the costly price Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit paid for our redemption because we will see clearly and truly comprehend all things. I believe we will have our own private audience with Jesus and He will enable us to experience His blood covering all of our sin and remove it completely from our memory.

Looking back is for confirmation we are headed in the right direction, as much as it is for seeing where we have come from. God will publicly give us recognition for each and every victorious and pure thought, word spoken or deed accomplished that brought Him glory. These we will always be known for throughout all of eternity. Everyone will have complete knowledge of every, and all, good each individual brought into His kingdom for His glory.

That is going to be one awesome awards banquet! And what a wonderful eternal existence we will enjoy.

Now, forgetting what lies behind, press on toward the upward calling of Christ Jesus.

In Ihe Middle Of The Night...AGAIN?

God awakened me unusually early this day so here I am, unable to be disciplined in prayer so I'm blogging. I have been changing much these days, working out my salvation with fear and trembling. I was reflecting on 24 years of marriage and a prophesy an Evangelical Pastor student from India prophesied to me before I knew the word of God or what prophesy was for that matter. This morning God has opened my eyes and ears to hear something very interesting! But first let me start from last week: At Wed. Morning Offering,

God told me, "Love your husband as a woman loves a man."

I cried, "But God, I am still wounded."

"I know," He said.

Then I added, "But I feel he crucified me on a cross and just left me there."

"I understand. I know how that feels."

Later in the hour, we broke into 2 person prayer groups and Cindy prayed with me. I cried the tears of a little child in her mother's arms. Since then, I have been humbling myself as a gentle, kind servant to my husband in ways I have never been able to in the past.

So now, before daybreak and after a time of lying in bed enjoying fellowship with God, but starting to feel guilty for not being on my knees, God gave me the following word of knowledge. But first He had me reflect on what should have been an 11 day journey to the Promised Land that become 40 years of wandering in the desert.

It was an effective combination; reflecting on my 24 years of marriage and the Israeli's grueling journey around Mt. Sinai.

"What was meant to take a few days, required many years." I knew God was referring to my marriage regarding my husband still needing healing for his broken heart (which, as it turns out, is actually a stronghold of witchcraft from his rebellion due to unhealed childhood wounds, but that's a blog for another day).

Then God played back to me a comment I made to Tom 24 years ago after (or during) one of our first and last prayers we prayed together as husband and wife:

I said to Tom, "You always pray such 'Mary had a little lamb' prayers?" And it wasn't spoken kindly. How grossly humbling.

I once asked God to reveal to me how negatively I had influenced my marriage and family after meditating on the wicked/ deceitfulness of the heart. He gave me a good revelation of how my heart had deceived me causing paramount consequences to our family. That was then, and that was 2 years ago. This day, I think I see even more clearly the severity of the wickedness of my own heart and the magnitude of the consequences it has had on our family.

I will be spending the next few days legitimately praying and mourning in sack cloth and ashes.

Oh yea, the prophesy I was given in 1974: "In this world you will have many tribulations but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me for I am gentle and humble of heart and you will find rest for your soul."

May the merciful name of the Almighty God be praised, for His kindness endures forever."