TAKE IT BY FORCE

"From the days of John the Baptist, until now, the Kingdom of God suffers violence and violent men take it by force." Matthew 11:12

Called

I have experienced Father God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit on all the different relational levels possible for man. Part of this is because I have had to. By most definitions, I have led a very lonely life, yet I seldom feel lonely. In fact, I rather prefer to be alone for it is then that I am more acutely aware of His presence and able to hear His voice. I have known for years that most people consider me "odd" or just no fun to be around. At 18, my earthly father said to me, "You are so serious," and I started to cry. I couldn't help it. I am unable to be much different than serious. As painful and unhappy as my childhood and adulthood has been, I can honestly say, "I am happy in Jesus."
God gave me a compelling drive to know and understand the meaning of life and it's mysteries. It has driven me since my earliest memories as a child. Remember, I dubbed myself: Queen Know It All?
Along with this drive, some of the bizarre realities of my life surround the fact I was 'called' (regardless of any lack of pitter patter romantic feelings) to marry my husband. Tom has an amazing prophetic gift. He is an encourager. And, he has a broken heart.
It started to become clear to me about a year ago that God allows me to "feel His heart." This has helped me to accept my seriousness and lack of merriment. My motto has always been: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick."
Of all the feelings God has in His heart during these last days, merriment is not one of the prevalent feelings. He knows the pain and suffering each saint has had to endure. He feels with each broken heart, He understands the trials and tribulations of these last days. He sees the distruction and decay of sin and the evil one. I have had a minuscule taste of God's feeling of wrath.
I must discipline myself to imagine the overwhelming experience and display of joy and merriment from the heart of Father God as He presents us as the Bride to His Son.
This feeling of merriment, in it's exquisite wonder, is beyond my natural imagination. I only know it by faith as wonderful. Just as He has nurtured my imagination of the wonderment of heaven, I shall begin to pray he reveals the wonderment of His merry heart.

Serve God Or Mammon.

Mammon is the God of this world. I have heard mammon defined as money or the currency of exchange for goods and services. Though I believe this is true, I also believe it is insufficient as to define mammon. Having said that, I have been pondering the current events with our world wide bank problems. I have known for a few years the involvement of organized crime in banking and the perpetuation of debt. The results are oppression (slavery) through credit card debt and predatory lending. They exploit, extort and increase their wealth through paper shuffling (buying and selling loans back and forth amongst themselves). They legitimized ways to launder their money. And the ill gotten gain has become increasingly prolific as their families grew and grew along with the rest of our population. They institute laws to protect the illegalities of their grotesque accrual of assets. Yesterday I heard on the news of the majority of middle class Americans losing an average of 40% of their 401k savings plans. Well, these predatory lenders and credit card loan sharks of today implemented over 100 different fees and penalties (sleeper fine print) to these 401k savings plans and voila...instant capitol gain for the evil one. The natural progression of events is clearly the institution of a one world economic "bank" system.
We have been enslaved to this world system of mammon!
And our Deliverer is coming quickly!

The Deliverer Is Coming !

The Jews prayed for 400 years for the Deliverer to come. He arrived right on schedule according to the perfect plan of God and Moses' life was designed perfectly to fulfill the good purposes of God.
I have been praying through something for 23 years and I do not doubt God has heard me. I know I have been praying according to the will of God and I am not praying amiss.
Though, I am ashamed to admit the frequency in which I have doubted the goodness, omnipotence and sovereignty of God.
A few months ago, I heard God say, "Contend with Me."
I asked Him, "How do I contend with the Almighty God?"
"Contend with Me for your family." was His reply.
The message of the importunate prayer came through loud and clear: Pray and keep on praying. Pray believing. Pray in the authority of Jesus. Pray with honesty. And, pray through my questions in confidence (not the same as doubts) .
I understand prayer as I understand the Almighty, Holy God. I pray for understanding.
I understand the requirement of obedience to the practice of prayer. I have been trained by years of travailing in prayer. It may be said, I have not seen "The Deliverer" with my own eyes, but I have seen the powerful effects diligent prayer has had on changing me and giving me understanding. Don't get me wrong, I know my flesh; my laziness and unbelief, but God sees Carmen, the prayer warrior, through The Blood of Jesus. Believe me, I repent often. Not a day has gone by, for at least the past week, I have not tearfully said to God, "I can't do this anymore," or "I am weary," or "How long will You tarry?" etc.
Though I do not understand all the ways of God or prayer, it is important I do not call God a liar by giving up in travailing through prayer until the day I hear Him say, "My Grace is sufficient for thee."

Healing and Merriment of the Heart

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. "

"Guard your heart with all diligence for from it flows the issues of life."
"Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is just whatever is right, think on these things."

This blog is short because of this subject I am very ignorant.

War Is Violent

Someone prayed in prayer meeting this morning that the Christians on the periphery would choose to enter the battle. I wanted to cry out: "They are already in the midst of it." They may be hemorrhaging in varying degrees from fear, despair, anxiety, worry, self-pity, guilt and condemnation, apathy, hatred, oppression, greed, pride and sinful lusts or unbelief. We are at war!! This is not a choice. Whether within our members or against the deceiver, we are in a violent battle.
I have always known myself as an odd person. I am comfortable in my own skin. I have always practiced transparency. When I'm happy you know it. When I am sorrowful you know it. I am quick to confess my sin to someone if I believe it would cause healing for either them or me. I live in a state of frequent, active, brutal warfare. WE CHOOSE TO PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD or lie as a victim of war: beaten down, crushed, oppressed, begging for help, numb or full of rage from the years of torment and torture as a prisoner of war.
I know what it is like to be a prisoner of war and be like fodder for the enemy. I was a saint who at one time shook her fist at God and said, "I quit! I do not want to play this game with you anymore." I entertaining the notion I could "check-out" of the battle through suicide. After coming to my senses, I pleaded with God never to let me go to that place again.
Paul suffered many things at the hand of God. But he fought the good fight, he ran the race to win, he persevered and pressed on toward the upward calling of the Lord Jesus Christ.
David suffered as God's anointed.
Abraham believed God. How? After suffering from his self preserving ways of unbelief, then getting to the other side with hind sight vision to see the goodness and faithfulness of God.
I have been trying to use any behaviors of unbelief as a barometer to indicate what part of my armor I am not protected by. Or if I am not wielding the sword of The Spirit of Truth, even if just to block fatal blows. Or if I am neglecting to hold up the shield of faith for protection from the fiery darts.
In conclusion, I will call upon the LORD. He is worthy to be praised. The Lord lives and blessed be my rock and blessed be the God of my salvation.

The Kingdom Of God Suffers Violence

"From the days of John the Baptist, until now, the Kingdom of God suffers violence..." Mt 11:12a
It is important we embrace the full truth of the Word of God even if it is difficult for us to understand. We are in a gravely violent war! THE LIFE AND WELL BEING OF EVERY SOUL IS AT STAKE.
There is no question in my mind the Kingdom of God suffers violence AND TODAY IS THE DAY OF SALVATION! Remember my first blog: Satan Tried To Take Me Out.
Pray for all the saints! The lives of many upon this earth need to be SOZO'd (saved, healed, delivered) for the Kingdom of God.
"...and violent men take it by force." Mt 11:12b This part of the verse I continue to pray over for understanding.
STAND. FIGHT. OR EXPECT TO HEMORRHAGE.

The Corpse and Vultures:

"Wherever the corpse is, there the vultures will gather." Matthew 24:28
The return of The Son of Man will be unquestionably obvious! The saints who are familiar with this chapter will not be deceived or lured into the dens of the living dead. Jesus is giving this as a warning because the anti-Christ will come performing great signs and wonders.
I am preparing (gearing up) for the likelihood there is much tribulation to come before we are raptured. I don't want to assume one thing and then not have enough oil in my lamp.
Therefore, I walk clothed in The Blood of The Lamb, I speak the Word of God to my own soul and to anyone around me who will listen and I pray for the mindset of a martyr to endure to the end.
Pray for all the saints who are over the face of the whole earth that they may grow in the grace and knowledge of The Holy Scriptures, our Savior: Jesus.

Queen Know It All

I became aware that an old familiar attitude prevailed in one of my conversations yesterday. It is the "I know-it-all" attitude of one who speaks with authority about something when she knows nothing. I am so compelled to 'know' and 'understand' the things that I deem important I can hardly stand myself sometimes. I often walk away from conversations chiding myself for some know-it-all comment I made. Well, I am finally asking God about the whys and wherefores of this ugly habit. I am asking Him for understanding for the renewing of my mind against this distorted image. I haven't heard His answer yet, so until I do I dub myself: 'Queen Know It All'. By His grace I will replace this habit with the true image that He sees of me in Christ. I want the focus of my conversations with others to glorify Him and not to be a stumbling block, tempting others to think on things that are not lovely.
I await in anticipation of what He will show me because I'm off to the Word for my treasure hunt. I am excavating for wisdom and understanding of the uniqueness of my gift of discernment. Funny, I didn't even consider I had this gift until about 4 months ago when Pastor Rob asked, "Do you have the gift of discernment?"
"Me? No. I don't have that gift!" Well, it got me thinking and asking God a lot of questions. I still know very little about discernment as a spiritual gift. I didn't realize why so many God fearing believers couldn't understand me or why I felt their rejection so often. For example, sometimes Father God allows me to 'feel' His heart with a glimpse of one of His many different feelings. Or, I may be aware of a demon here, and then one there, and recognizing the scheme they devised. This experience is normal for me but I am starting to understand why I am often considered odd or 'way out there'. I was so blind not to see how I thought everyone needed to be aware of what I see.
My husband has lived with me for almost 24 years. He is the most gracious person of anyone I have ever met.
Father, may we be good stewards of the gifts You bestow on us, with wisdom and understanding, as a people who stand before You unashamed.

Having Authority As One Under Authority

My mind keeps racing with thoughts of my last post. Since such a great price was paid for my freedom, I am compelled to meditate on the work of the cross at Calvary and what that price cost Jesus, Father God and His Holy Spirit. One concept that has been paramount in my meditations over the months has been AUTHORITY. Jesus paid such a great price so I now have authority as one under His authority. What does that look like for me? How do I insure full utilization and execution of that authority. I heard meekness defined as: Strength under control. As under authority- submission: The position of influence. These are my meditations.
I remember asking my earthy father, when I was just out of high school, "What kind of man am I going to have to marry? One who is a wimp that I walk all over OR one who is so powerful that he bops me on the head when I get out of line?" My earthly father's wise response was: "Honey, you will just have to respect him enough to submit to him." WOW! Not bad from a non-church going/ accepted Jesus at 4 yrs old/ nonbeliever, huh?
Well, food for thought about Authority and Submission. He has given His angels charge over us. How would we know and walk in that knowledge and authority if we don't grip our 5 digits around the hilt of The Sword of Truth daily?

1. Know The Word
2. Live The Word
3. Ponder The Word
4. Speak The Word
5. Pray The Word

Don't get caught unprotected. Put on the full armor of God.
THOUGHT: Being on call at all times, we need to wear the full armor to bed, for while we sleep, in case we are awakened suddenly in the night for battle.

We have authority as one under authority. May we dwell in the shelter of The Most High and take upon ourselves His yoke; to stand firm, hold fast, resist the devil, fight the good fight, run the race to win and endure to the end.

The Lamb of God & It Pleased The Father To Do So.

I appreciate more than I can express how grateful I am God led me to fellowship and grow in the church of Calvary Chapel- Corvallis. I just finished listening to Pastor Rob's sermon and I enjoy his timely words. They are deeply valued and I know Father God is so pleased. Reflecting on what he said about the high cost of separation and how Adam chose to join his wife in sin rather than be separated from her by that sin. Jesus, on the other hand, chose willingly separation from Father God that He might become a man, born of a woman, to pay the price for that sin (my sin). The greatest evidence of the gravity of what it cost Jesus is in His final 2 cries from the cross. After Jesus said, "It is finished" and "Into Thy hand I commit My Spirit," I always thought (felt) 'He breathed His last,' was the quiet conclusion of His work on the cross but, it was when my ears were opened to hear the extreme intensity and gravity of His cry: "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" that I started to feel the magnitude of the price Jesus paid. That moment, He felt complete separation from His Father God. Father God could no longer look upon Jesus and had no choice but to turn His back on His Beloved Son, utterly forsaking Him because of that sin which Father God Himself placed upon Jesus' shoulders. Though Jesus knew no sin, He became sin, thereby, losing all power to escape the consequences of that sin. It had to have been but a moment later that His heart ruptured within His chest cavity, as 'He cried out,' in his anguished pain, 'with a loud cry.' AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! is how I imagine it sounding. I cannot imagine in the least, having just willingly gone through all the pain, suffering and shame leading up to that moment of utter exhaustion; still having the ability to even cry out with an audible voice. The horrific intensity had to have been physically compelling to release such a cry. Then, 'He breathed His last.' His suffering was compounded by the sentencing pronounced upon Jesus to spend the next 3 days in hell to pay the debt (wages) of sin. We are told in the bible that: 'With God, a day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day.' Again, I cannot even imagine. 'And, on the third day, Jesus rose from the dead.'
Lord hear me, may I become quickly aware of my sin, and the separation it causes from the love of Father God, My Beloved Savior and Your Holy Spirit, that I may repent quickly.

The Fear of The Lord Is the Beginning Of Wisdom.

When God awakened me this morning, this was one of the thoughts He had me meditating on. I am still not aware of all He is wanting me to glean from this truth during this season but these are my first impressions and thoughts I had:
A couple months ago, an evening during the week of fasting, when the women met in the church while the men remained in the chapel, Cindy asked us to speak out sentences of what we were thankful about God. I blurted out, "That He is a righteous judge and will return in His wrath." Deafening awkward silence filled the room before another spoke, "His mercy." Then another, "His forgiveness." And so on. I quietly and confidently asked God for forgiveness because, though my true feelings and my justified gratefulness was real, it was not appropriate to speak out in such a large group of saints who didn't know me or where I was coming from (that precise lack of judgment is precisely why I am no longer an RN to this day). God used that moment to put me into a place of humility so He could impart His heart (His feelings) to me. I began to sob uncontrollably. You know, tears streaming down my face, snot running profusely and the uncontrollable breathing gasps. I felt Cindy's concern immediately and throughout the hour, but all I could do was sob for the broken heart of God. Someone or many in that room were hurting and God was hurting with them though they never got to hear about it. I do fear God and I think it is beyond a great, awesome respect for Him. Though it is not the kind of fear that is associated with punishment, it is a fear that is beyond my comprehension of the 'awfulness' of His Holiness and power. He and He alone is worthy of my fear. I then realized how many of my prayers that are being answered were presented to Him in worship of song through different meetings at church, as well as, while I am alone with Him. Our God is an awesome God. Let my heart break for the things that break Yours. Feeling the feelings of God has been my greatest honor and privilege. This, too, is just one facet of The Fear of The Lord as I have experienced it.

God's Ways Are Not Our Ways.

I am beginning to feel as if my life is back into a grove of familiar sleeping, eating and praying. I am looking forward to attending this morning's prayer offering. Attack hit our fellowship either last evening or this morning because God has me mindful of the warfare.
I was asked one time if I had the gift of discernment and my response was, "Oh, I don't have that gift." Well, since then I am beginning to realize just how different my awareness is from other believers experiences. I began praying about a year ago to be able to hear and recognize Satan's whispers of half truth lies. I didn't want to 'see' him. I heard him described years ago just enough to know that was not a desirable experience.
I have known only 2 seers in all my travels through the years as a christian. One, I met in Texas at Last Days Ministries in 1978, 3-4 years after Keith Green died in his plane crash on their property. Though I do not know what part of the US she may have been from. The other lives in Corvallis and keeps a very low profile. I'll call her 'Sharon' (not her real name).
When 'Sharon' and I met for the first time, about 5 years ago, I sought her out because I was dealing with so much demonic oppression and torment on many levels; in my life, my family and in our house. I heard of her from a mutual friend. We met at a coffee shop downtown. As we talked, she wore a poker player face but (later upon reflection), I could tell she saw unpleasant 'stuff' around me while we sat there. She asked if I would like to pray together and naturally I said, "Yes."
I ran across the street to fetch my sweater as she continued walking toward the riverfront park bench. Upon my return she asked me, "Did you just pray?"
"Well, I told God I was excited to get to pray with you... Why?"
"I saw an aura of light around you." Apparently, this was one of the common things she saw of those in the presence of God. Author's Note: I saw this aura around her once (and the only time I ever saw it) when she performed vocally in town at a small gathering.
She agreed to visit me at my home and afterward confirmed my suspicions but no big deliverance was performed or anything. I knew she would pray. We kept in touch for the next couple months but I have gradually grown in my awareness of the presence of these dark beings and their schemes. I am grateful I do not have to "see" them clearly.
Now I am praying for the gift of discernment to prevail in my life so I am able to be wise with that knowledge when I am made aware of their presence and actions.

Letting Go

I was able to wear a suede suit the other day that is a memorial for the provision of God. I bought it 3 years ago for $7.50 (not 750 Dollars, 7 dollars and 50 cents). I found it at my favorite second hand store at St Mary's Church. It appeared as if it was tailored for someone who probably wore it only once for a special occasion. The skirt was a size larger than the jacket but fit as if the waist had been taken in, allowing more room for big hips and thighs (like mine!). During another visit to this wonderful store last week, I was able to tell this story to the volunteer, also telling her I gave all my other really nice, expensive ($4-$6 from same store) suits to the Career closet for CARDV, that as I walked in to donate them, there happened to be a small, young woman looking for work suits just that size but not having much success finding that size.
The woman at St. Mary's said, "Letting go of my suits was the hardest." After I left the store, I got the impression from God that she was the woman who had donated all those suits in the first place, just one by one. I am sure she heard the story about the suede suit fitting the gal who bought it 'like a glove.' I felt blessed again in letting go of these nice clothes and I am glad the Lord gave me the grace to hang on to the suede suit as a memorial, even though I wasn't sure I would ever fit into it again.
I want to be a good steward of all my possessions, even the memories.

To Know Him Is To Love Him.

A dear friend of mine has recently realized her son is very likely autistic and has Asperger's Syndrome. I began researching this Syndrome and it has given me considerably more patience and understanding with his odd behaviors. The natural tendency is to reject him, or to be critical of him, but with this knowledge, I have been much more able to accept him for who he is, and relate to him in a way that best ministers love to him. He is who he is, and the way he is, and that is not going to change no matter how much I feel my constructive feedback should give him insight into his behavior and help him to relate better (less odd).

After 24 years of relating to my husband, I recently have a much greater understanding of him and for him. Years of exasperation, and criticism toward him, have been steadily melting into acceptance, understanding and love; with knowledge of how to best show him my love in ways that help him to feel truly loved, I have hope my dream of working in tandem in a ministry for God with my husband may yet be fulfilled.

Even Father God would be difficult to love if we couldn't (or don't) know Him or understand Him for who He truly is. To know Him is to Love Him.

It is paramount that we grow in the grace and knowledge of our Father God, of our Lord Jesus- The Christ, with the guidance and help of the Holy Spirit- our Great Counselor.

Walk In The Light

The only way we will learn to relate as a more functional family of God, is if we walk in the light, as He is in the light. Then we will have fellowship with one another. It is by transparency, honesty and confessing our hurt or sin to one another. The security of acceptance and loving accountability is a beginning for the climate of love to grow and blossom in us as a family; toward the new, dysfunctional or hurting members. When I hurt someone unaware, I want them to inform me so we may both be healed. This is far better than just trying to avoid the one who hurt us.

All of us have experienced a distortion of God's love from the moment of our conception because of sin. All of us have been subject to deceptions, lies and accusations no matter how loving, godly or healthy our family structure was or is. Without subjecting our minds to the renewal process of the Word, continuing to hold every thought captive and being honest with those who have hurt us (or about our hurts) then we are limiting the Love of God to move amongst the members of our body. Most Christians, and especially new ones, do not naturally know how to relate functionally. We (with some training) must know some practical ways to encourage them and help them to receive our love.

SOZO is a Hebrew word that means Saved, Healed, Delivered. Many times when the word 'saved' is used in the new Testament it is referring to this complete package. Jesus came to set the captives free. This involves being saved from the second death, healing through forgiving others and deliverance from the lies, strongholds and bondages of sin and the evil one. We have been given power from on high to execute this complete package of salvation. We must walk in this authority for the sake of the many who need this complete salvation package. We also need to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling.

An impression was made upon me when Ian preached about us believers who attend Corvallis Calvary Chapel, being a family. After the service, I was unable to get eye contact from those who sat in the far back, closest to the exit door. Most faces had eyes that were down cast. How can we reach into the heart of one of these 'attendees' who does not seem to have the ability to express or expose themselves that they might be healed? I wanted to connect and smile into their faces but this was not natural or comfortable for most. On the other end of the spectrum, the extreme of 'letting it all hang out' no matter how bad the sin, or deep the hurt isn't healthy and causes major discomfort to those listening. I was this extreme. I was willing to cut my arm off or pluck my eye out to advance this kind of salvation in my life. This grew me up fast in many ways but, 'too much information.' People ran when they saw me coming!

We need balance. May we experience the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit to reach into the lives of the deeply hurting to provide security and comfort enough for them to reach out to others and allow our real 'self' to be seen and loved. Therefore, we are able to learn to love others in the language in which they are able to perceive being loved, as well as, allow others to love us.

Thank you Jesus

Thank you Jesus for my early wake-up call for prayer. You know how much I have been missing it. I am starting to see how small and limited I allowed you to be in reference to corporate prayer. I knew you heard me when I prayed inaudibly, but it seems, in corporate prayer, I didn't allow you to hear me pray unless no one else was praying and then my prayer needed to be audible for you to hear. Why the enemy was able to get that lie to stay rooted in my thinking is beyond my understanding but He's not too pleased I have started this blog, nor that I have a greater confidence you are 'hearing me' even when it is 'silent' in group prayer.

In prayer meetings, You know how much I love popcorn praying (short, frequent prayers bouncing around the group) because I wouldn't get bored as easily or 'frustrated' when someone was taking forever to say the same thing over but with different words, or as the publican who prayed to himself. Now, I can keep enjoying my time with you and 'pray' even when someone else is talking. Amazing huh?

Thank you Jesus.