Called

I have experienced Father God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit on all the different relational levels possible for man. Part of this is because I have had to. By most definitions, I have led a very lonely life, yet I seldom feel lonely. In fact, I rather prefer to be alone for it is then that I am more acutely aware of His presence and able to hear His voice. I have known for years that most people consider me "odd" or just no fun to be around. At 18, my earthly father said to me, "You are so serious," and I started to cry. I couldn't help it. I am unable to be much different than serious. As painful and unhappy as my childhood and adulthood has been, I can honestly say, "I am happy in Jesus."
God gave me a compelling drive to know and understand the meaning of life and it's mysteries. It has driven me since my earliest memories as a child. Remember, I dubbed myself: Queen Know It All?
Along with this drive, some of the bizarre realities of my life surround the fact I was 'called' (regardless of any lack of pitter patter romantic feelings) to marry my husband. Tom has an amazing prophetic gift. He is an encourager. And, he has a broken heart.
It started to become clear to me about a year ago that God allows me to "feel His heart." This has helped me to accept my seriousness and lack of merriment. My motto has always been: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick."
Of all the feelings God has in His heart during these last days, merriment is not one of the prevalent feelings. He knows the pain and suffering each saint has had to endure. He feels with each broken heart, He understands the trials and tribulations of these last days. He sees the distruction and decay of sin and the evil one. I have had a minuscule taste of God's feeling of wrath.
I must discipline myself to imagine the overwhelming experience and display of joy and merriment from the heart of Father God as He presents us as the Bride to His Son.
This feeling of merriment, in it's exquisite wonder, is beyond my natural imagination. I only know it by faith as wonderful. Just as He has nurtured my imagination of the wonderment of heaven, I shall begin to pray he reveals the wonderment of His merry heart.