Saturday, August 1, 2009

I Believed the Lie, Fortified It by Pride, and It Became My Idol

Wednesday early morning prayer became a grotesque experience with me monopolizing the whole hour. It was perfect timing for God to reveal to me the stronghold that I had been seeing evidenced in myself during corporate prayer for over 18 months.

Afterward, I went up to a brother and thanked him for reading the passage in Colosians to love one another. I proceeded to tell him how I knew I was difficult to love, that I was odd and not easily lovable. I couldn't "hear" what he was saying until after he said it at least 4 times, "You are lovable." I kept thinking, 'Well duh.' But my heart didn't believe the truth of the knowledge that was buried in my head. I assured him I heard what he was saying and planned to go home and talk to God about it. Well, this is what I learned from the Holy Spirit that morning as I heard Him say,

"You believed a lie: 'You are unlovable.' that Satan indoctrinated into your developing mind, while in utero, as an unwanted pregnancy. As you experienced rejection upon rejection,the lie was reinforced. Still believing the lie, you allowed the enemy to fortify a stronghold around the lie. Then, as you increased in knowledge of the love of Jesus, you justified the lie with pride saying, 'I am odd because I am special. I have a special calling on my life and I just don't need friends.' This fortified your pride around the lie. Pride took hold to become an idol. You have established an idol in your heart. An idol of your own pride of being odd, because you believe the lie instead of the truth." Thus saith the Lord.

Now that was a first for me! I heard the Holy Spirit clearly expose, explain and rebuke me all at the same time that morning. It was just 2 days earlier I was in my prayer closet bawling my eyes out in repentance, but this time I felt like vomiting. I was so disgusted I was more angry than tearful but repentance was definitely the desired result. It is amazing how hearing a sermon weeks ago about idolatry, going home and reading Isaiah 44 and Jeremiah 10 as Pastor recommended, then refreshing the info of Idolatry this week studying Beth Moore's Breaking Free workbook, I strained to search my heart for idols before finally asking God to show me any. Why did I waste all that time when I could have just asked Him in the first place. Man, that was a prayer He delighted in answering. I have not because I ask not. I am constantly needing to learn to keep asking God what it is He wants me to pray or what it is He wants me to ask Him. May it never be said of me, "She had not because she asked not."

No comments:

Post a Comment